From One Mom To Another

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God…” Romans 8:28

Let me set up a scenario for you, tell me what you think….

I have a friend, we have been friends for a long time. She has been off again/on again, but I always love to see her when she comes around. A few weeks ago she asked for my help, as she has done before. She would owe her gratitude to me if I would do this for her, she said. She knew I was the only one who could open this door for her and it would mean so much. I said yes without batting an eye, because I love her so much and wanted to help  her anyway I could. She thanked me, told others what a great friend I was and that she knew the great things in her life  would not be happening without me. (I did not need all that, but of course I appreciated the praise from one friend to the other)

Then last week she called me and needed another favor. I thought long and hard about it, and at first did not respond at all because I did not know how to tell her I could not do it. She pushed in a bit and I finally had to say “no, I can not do it”. She sobbed and cried to me, my heart broke, and I knew even if I gave her my explanation she would not be o.k. So I refrained from defending myself and simply said “I love you more than anything, and I HOPE you understand one day, but for now you will have to trust me, and our friendship, to know I would never hurt you…..

She did not. She went to those same friends to whom she had praised me the weeks before and told them that she could not believe I would not help her. She could not even trust me anymore and did not even know if she could be my friend. She told everyone she did not think I was a friend of my word, or even a friend at all… You can imagine my hurt. After a lifetime of friendship, ups and downs, good and bad, taking her in when she needed it, loving her when she was down, and letting her go when she wanted the “freedom” to strike out on her own. Welcoming her with open arms when she returned… Only to be trashed and dragged through the mud by someone I cared for so much.

Wouldn’t you be devastated? Have you ever experienced a relationship like that, Family, friend, spouse, etc.?

Now…. The story is true but the names are different. You and I are the friend, and God is the faithful one who can not always give us the things we ask for. The tears and pleading and the begging breaks him as much as it does us. But He has reasons we do not understand, and all he asks is that after all He has done; He asks us to know that He loves us and to trust Him even when we do not understand.

Maybe you say “Well what has he done for me?” Well, first let’s start with Saving you from hell,I think we can all agree that should be enough for eternal devotion. Given up your kids or someone you love for someone else?  Then we can move on to the time you were in that accident and he spared you, the job you asked him for that you knew it had to be His hand to put you there, the marriage, the child, the car, the bill that got paid, the friend that called at the right moment when you cried for Him to show you that someone cared.

I know it seems sometimes that our Father is not fair, and plays favorites. But as a mom who hears my fair share of “That’s not fair” I can assure you He has reasons we are not mature enough to understand. I know there are things one child can handle that the other can’t, and it is not always the youngest versus oldest. Sometimes it is personalities, sometimes I say no because I have something different for that one though they just don’t know it yet….  and sometimes it IS maturity. But either way, life may not seem fair. God may not seem fair… But God always loves you and seeks the best for you. He will always bring you the best thing at the best time, though you can not see it now… That’s what we call Faith.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good. Matthew 8:26-28

(p.s. Though the illustration may reflect images of real human relationships in my life, it is NOT! )

From Zig Ziglar :Based on his research and practice, Dr. Cady believes this alphabet of love will make a positive difference in your child and your relationship with that child. Look for his book; think about it and I’ll SEE YOU AT THE TOP!

Psychiatrist Louis B. Cady of Evansville, Indiana, gives us the ABC’s of love as it relates to our children. When I read this I knew that I wanted to share it with my readers. Enjoy!

Accept your child–not as perfect, not as a “model,” but as a basically good kid.

Be there! You can’t be absent all the time, nor can you show your interest or love for your child if you aren’t present. Be there for football games, dance recitals and the like.

Care for your child. Even when s(he) messes up!

Discipline; don’t punish. It takes “guts” to discipline; it only takes a “wimp” of a parent to let kids get by with anything.

Expect the best: Generally, you’ll get what you expect (bad or good).

Family–the center around which the child’s life should revolve. School, friends and games are the “planets” which should circle around the “sun” of the family.

God/Spiritual - pick yours carefully; there will ALWAYS be a “god” of something in your and your family’s life. Make sure it’s a good one. This doesn’t mean you have to be a ”super-Christian” or go to church seven days a week. It DOES mean that you must instill some sense of spirituality, moral order, and ethics in your child.

Honesty–the bedrock of good character. Make sure you demonstrate it by example.

Interest–in your child. If you aren’t interested, the friendly local drug pusher will be.

Joy– in raising children, watching them develop, being a part of their lives, seeing them turn out as wonderful adults.

Kindness–in discipline and relationships with your kids. Avoid harshness or punitiveness.

Listen! Frequently, YOU are wrong. You are a parent, not God, and certainly not infallible.

Motivate–don’t intimidate.

NO to negativity! Be positive! Any dummy can be negative about things that anyone else does, especially kids. Look for the good in your child and emphasize it. Things that are focused on and emphasized get bigger and stronger.

Open to questions and concerns of your child; be open to examine your own actions and motivations, as well.

Practice (makes perfect); you can mess up, and you don’t have to be perfect. Just don’t make a habit of it. Learn from your mistakes.

Question; interact–your child will not always tell you unless you ask and demonstrate interest.

Reason with your teenager; don’t demand or command arrogantly when there is a disagreement. If you must, discipline, but not until you have attempted reason.

Say your feelings–your child is not telepathic. It’s also important to frequently “say” your feelings of love and affection.

Touch–your child with hugs and kisses. Hugs are appropriate for virtually all ages. Don’t be embarrassed, and don’t get out of the “HUG HABIT”!

Unity–as a family. Don’t allow splits or divisions to develop between warring “factions.”

Value your time together–you won’t have it forever.

Wonder at the priceless gift of your lives together–you will value it more and do more with it.

X marks the spot for your treasure: the home and your family.

You–the critical person who must show your efforts, caring, affection, interest, honesty. Don’t wait to respond; INITIATE!

Zero— the serious problems you will have in your and your teenager’s life if you follow these principles.

Zig Ziglar is known as America’s motivator. He is the author of 29 books and numerous audio and video recordings. He brings his message of hope to thousands on the stages at the Get Motivated Seminars.

My 5 year old, that would be Anna, is digging a hole in the yard while Ben is working in the garden. Her hole is going really deep, and I ask her what she is doing… Her response?? “Pop Pop said if I dig really deep I can Get to Chinese”

Last night we are at dinner, and Anna begins blowing her nose (no tissue) I scold her and get a napkin. She says she has something stuck in her nose (I assume it is the normal things stuck in your nose) I hold the napkin to her nose, and…. she blows out CHEWING GUM!!!!! Somehow at SOME point she swallowed her chewing gum and it went in her sinuses! I told her this is NOT how we blow a bubble!

When a child screams your name from the other room, while you wince to see what the problem is, you MUST go- You can never be sure what you will find. sometimes 1 sister tricked the other into drinking soap water (Cause she needed her mouth washed out for talking ugly) and sometimes you find the OTHER sister (age 5) peeing in a cup because she “remembered doing it at the dr”… What would she have done with the cup if not caught?? Revenge?

Ben and I have a 4 year old daughter, Anna. Her favorite book is “No David” by David Shannon. Which basically consists of a little boy named David being told “No David!” by his mom over and over and over while the pictures portray the trouble David is causing. In the end, after finding himself in time out, his mother calls him once more to say “Yes, David, I love you”.

Our Journey with Anna has been very similar. She has been named Anna (meaning grace) appropriately. She confidently walks in it everyday, and tells me at the end of a bad day that “Tomorrow is a new day and I get another chance to be a sweet girl, right mommy?”. No condemnation is her motto.

She has definitely been our challenging child, determined and head strong and smarter than both of us. ;-)  One mom once told me she had to have a talk with her 3 year old one day and told her “You may be smarter than me, but I am still your mama.” This is our Anna. Yet she can be so loving and free to share her affection. Not afraid to approach anyone, and if there is a dog in a 1 mile radius she has to pet it.

We sometimes lay in the bed, my husband and I, and have to chuckle at the audacity she has. Doing our best to train her in the right direction we choose to laugh instead of cry knowing that this too shall pass. She used to put poop on the walls every time she pooped, she does not do that anymore, she used to scream in a shrilling pitch that could bust glass for 15-20 minutes every night at bed time, she does not do that anymore. She used to get out of the bed 20 times at night before falling asleep. She does not do that anymore. Yes, this too shall pass. So why not laugh about it now instead of later!   

In my laughter I was told I needed to share some of the frustrating, hair pulling, hilarious things she does and maybe you will empathize, sympathize, shake your head, pray for me, and/or laugh with me. (Or at me. Makes no difference. ;-)   )

So here is one story:

Last week our family went to the Beach with 2 other families, and 4 other kids. After sticking to the beach, the pool and the house for 3 days we decided to venture out and go to “Gulf World” in Panama City Beach Florida. A miniature version of Sea World (Like Putt Putt versus a PGA tour golf course.) While we were there we had 6 adults all looking out for 6 kids. We were petting the sting rays while awaiting the scuba exhibit, but Anna wanted to look at the sea turtles. When it was time for the scuba show we all walked in and had a seat. Fifteen minutes later someone asks “Where’s Anna?” Suddenly Ben and I are on our feet and out the door. As we come out a man, seeing the panic on our face, says “Are you looking for a little girl? They took her to the gift shop” We run past him as we say thank you, but by the time we get to the gift shop she is gone. They took her out back to the sting rays to look for us. When we make it full circle back around there she is with the employee. There is a sigh of relief. I scoop her up and hold her close and say “Oh baby were you scared?” “A little, but Not really” she replies, calmer than all of us. The lady who was helping her find us tells us that she did not cry one bit. She found a mommy and told her she could not find hers. Then she could tell them what our full names were and that her sisters name was Emily and she was 7 years old with brown hair and that the last time she saw us was at the sting rays. She never cried once. No fear. I asked her again if she was scared, she said “No, You know what I am most mad about? I did not get to see whatever show you were watching!” …. Emily said later, “Mommy God is good to protect Anna like that”. I said “Honey it is why I ask and thank God for the angels of protection everyday. They work overtime on our behalf ”

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Spring is here. March 20th. Spring always marks a time of refreshing. Death is giving way to life, and the world once again feels the sunshine on their face and begins to see beauty all around. You open your windows and let the clean fresh breeze wash away the staleness which is brought by winter.

One day later, March 21st, I am 30. Yes, I know a woman is never supposed to tell her age, but I am excited about this milestone. My 20’s have brought so much to me. Freedom of parental authority to being the parental authority, heartache and breakups to finding what real love is and marriage. Loss of loved ones to bringing life to the 2 people I love the most in this world. Making royally huge life-altering mistakes, to seeing how much grace God really has for my life as He takes those choices and makes them just a part of His story. Financial struggles in building a new business to seeing breakthrough and blessing. From being a young woman who really wasn’t sure of who she was as a person, mother and wife, to finding my footing and knowing who I am in Christ.

I look forward with excitement to the new things God holds for me and more confident that He will carry me through the things I don’t even know is coming.

Maybe you have lost things, good things, and don’t understand why. Loved ones, homes, jobs, friends, innocence. We may never understand the reasons we lost them, but until we let go of what we hold in our grasp we can not embrace the new thing He wants to place there. I am confident of this… if God allowed you to lose it He has already made a way for something new.

It is a time for a new season in your life, a new spring, a new decade, whether you wanted it or not. It is time to let go of the past. The good as well as the bad things of the past are still the past. The past is dead, and the new season offers new life and a new hope.

The following is a letter my husband’s aunt Emma, and dear friend, sent to her family and friends in 2005. She was killed in a car accident not even 2 months later. Reflecting on this letter was so bitter sweet, and full of the hope and encouragement that Emma would have said to us had she been standing there herself.

As spring is arriving, it has caused me to remember her, and this letter. I post it every year about this time, yet it never seems to lose its impact. It is timeless. I pray that this will spark hope in those who need it, and reflection for others.

March 28, 2005
To My Dear Friends,

Easter is a time of year when a newness of life is “springing up” all around us. Nature seeming to flaunt its ability to come back from the dead to life with glorious displays of color. Hope seems to be renewed all around. The grip of winter is slipping but winter does not give up without a tremendous fight. The severe weather we are having is evidence of that battle between the forces of weather patterns as our earth moves in its appointed path. All of this reminds me of how our human nature tries to keep a death grip on us even as the new life given by the risen Saviour is taking over our hearts, minds, and spirits. The war never stops once we make the decision to walk after the Lover of our souls, Jesus. But, He promises us victory if we battle through to the end, all the while holding on to Him and His grace and strength for this battle for new life.

For my dearest friends, I pray as the battle rages within and without, you are holding on to Him as He shows you the sun shining ahead. The most difficult part of a battle is keeping hope when all seems dark. It may be hard to see the light of hope. But it is there waiting for us. Those who love us are bringing in reinforcements and are cheering us on. Nothing is too big or small for Him to take care of for you. Allow His Love to overtake you and hold you close, to give you the assurance that all is well and you will finish this race you have set your heart toward. He will complete the good work He started in us all. He began it on the cross and He is finishing it as we battle from our winter to our spring.

I am thinking of you all and how my heart has been changed because of knowing you. Thank you for your love and care toward me through the years. You have believed in me and that has helped me to believe. You are faithful friends always and I love you so.

I pray your Easter season has been and will be blessed and you have a renewed faith and hope in Christ Jesus our Lord.

~Emma

I have a Hoover Upright Vaccum Cleaner. It is about 4 years old. For awhile now everytime I vacuumed it would put off an aweful stinch, and I could not figure out what it was. I hated vacuuming because it would make my house stink.

My sister had the same problem and would put Baking Soda in the filter to absorb bad odors. That would work, but then the next time you vacuumed it would still stink. So I have tinkered with this trying to make it stop, or I was going to have to buy a new vacuum when this one works perfectly well.

So here is what I did:

I took the filter out (which is just a little piece of foam material.) and vacuumed it off with a dust buster. It took a lot of dirt out of it. Then I replaced the vacuum cleaner bag with one that is an odor eliminator bag. Finally I did put a little baking soda in the filter. It worked! I have vacuumed several times and it is still fresh. You can also actually wash the little filter with some soap and water, but let it dry completely before you put it back in the vacuum.