From One Mom To Another

Ben and I have a 4 year old daughter, Anna. Her favorite book is “No David” by David Shannon. Which basically consists of a little boy named David being told “No David!” by his mom over and over and over while the pictures portray the trouble David is causing. In the end, after finding himself in time out, his mother calls him once more to say “Yes, David, I love you”.

Our Journey with Anna has been very similar. She has been named Anna (meaning grace) appropriately. She confidently walks in it everyday, and tells me at the end of a bad day that “Tomorrow is a new day and I get another chance to be a sweet girl, right mommy?”. No condemnation is her motto.

She has definitely been our challenging child, determined and head strong and smarter than both of us. ;-)  One mom once told me she had to have a talk with her 3 year old one day and told her “You may be smarter than me, but I am still your mama.” This is our Anna. Yet she can be so loving and free to share her affection. Not afraid to approach anyone, and if there is a dog in a 1 mile radius she has to pet it.

We sometimes lay in the bed, my husband and I, and have to chuckle at the audacity she has. Doing our best to train her in the right direction we choose to laugh instead of cry knowing that this too shall pass. She used to put poop on the walls every time she pooped, she does not do that anymore, she used to scream in a shrilling pitch that could bust glass for 15-20 minutes every night at bed time, she does not do that anymore. She used to get out of the bed 20 times at night before falling asleep. She does not do that anymore. Yes, this too shall pass. So why not laugh about it now instead of later!   

In my laughter I was told I needed to share some of the frustrating, hair pulling, hilarious things she does and maybe you will empathize, sympathize, shake your head, pray for me, and/or laugh with me. (Or at me. Makes no difference. ;-)   )

So here is one story:

Last week our family went to the Beach with 2 other families, and 4 other kids. After sticking to the beach, the pool and the house for 3 days we decided to venture out and go to “Gulf World” in Panama City Beach Florida. A miniature version of Sea World (Like Putt Putt versus a PGA tour golf course.) While we were there we had 6 adults all looking out for 6 kids. We were petting the sting rays while awaiting the scuba exhibit, but Anna wanted to look at the sea turtles. When it was time for the scuba show we all walked in and had a seat. Fifteen minutes later someone asks “Where’s Anna?” Suddenly Ben and I are on our feet and out the door. As we come out a man, seeing the panic on our face, says “Are you looking for a little girl? They took her to the gift shop” We run past him as we say thank you, but by the time we get to the gift shop she is gone. They took her out back to the sting rays to look for us. When we make it full circle back around there she is with the employee. There is a sigh of relief. I scoop her up and hold her close and say “Oh baby were you scared?” “A little, but Not really” she replies, calmer than all of us. The lady who was helping her find us tells us that she did not cry one bit. She found a mommy and told her she could not find hers. Then she could tell them what our full names were and that her sisters name was Emily and she was 7 years old with brown hair and that the last time she saw us was at the sting rays. She never cried once. No fear. I asked her again if she was scared, she said “No, You know what I am most mad about? I did not get to see whatever show you were watching!” …. Emily said later, “Mommy God is good to protect Anna like that”. I said “Honey it is why I ask and thank God for the angels of protection everyday. They work overtime on our behalf ”

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Spring is here. March 20th. Spring always marks a time of refreshing. Death is giving way to life, and the world once again feels the sunshine on their face and begins to see beauty all around. You open your windows and let the clean fresh breeze wash away the staleness which is brought by winter.

One day later, March 21st, I am 30. Yes, I know a woman is never supposed to tell her age, but I am excited about this milestone. My 20’s have brought so much to me. Freedom of parental authority to being the parental authority, heartache and breakups to finding what real love is and marriage. Loss of loved ones to bringing life to the 2 people I love the most in this world. Making royally huge life-altering mistakes, to seeing how much grace God really has for my life as He takes those choices and makes them just a part of His story. Financial struggles in building a new business to seeing breakthrough and blessing. From being a young woman who really wasn’t sure of who she was as a person, mother and wife, to finding my footing and knowing who I am in Christ.

I look forward with excitement to the new things God holds for me and more confident that He will carry me through the things I don’t even know is coming.

Maybe you have lost things, good things, and don’t understand why. Loved ones, homes, jobs, friends, innocence. We may never understand the reasons we lost them, but until we let go of what we hold in our grasp we can not embrace the new thing He wants to place there. I am confident of this… if God allowed you to lose it He has already made a way for something new.

It is a time for a new season in your life, a new spring, a new decade, whether you wanted it or not. It is time to let go of the past. The good as well as the bad things of the past are still the past. The past is dead, and the new season offers new life and a new hope.

The following is a letter my husband’s aunt Emma, and dear friend, sent to her family and friends in 2005. She was killed in a car accident not even 2 months later. Reflecting on this letter was so bitter sweet, and full of the hope and encouragement that Emma would have said to us had she been standing there herself.

As spring is arriving, it has caused me to remember her, and this letter. I post it every year about this time, yet it never seems to lose its impact. It is timeless. I pray that this will spark hope in those who need it, and reflection for others.

March 28, 2005
To My Dear Friends,

Easter is a time of year when a newness of life is “springing up” all around us. Nature seeming to flaunt its ability to come back from the dead to life with glorious displays of color. Hope seems to be renewed all around. The grip of winter is slipping but winter does not give up without a tremendous fight. The severe weather we are having is evidence of that battle between the forces of weather patterns as our earth moves in its appointed path. All of this reminds me of how our human nature tries to keep a death grip on us even as the new life given by the risen Saviour is taking over our hearts, minds, and spirits. The war never stops once we make the decision to walk after the Lover of our souls, Jesus. But, He promises us victory if we battle through to the end, all the while holding on to Him and His grace and strength for this battle for new life.

For my dearest friends, I pray as the battle rages within and without, you are holding on to Him as He shows you the sun shining ahead. The most difficult part of a battle is keeping hope when all seems dark. It may be hard to see the light of hope. But it is there waiting for us. Those who love us are bringing in reinforcements and are cheering us on. Nothing is too big or small for Him to take care of for you. Allow His Love to overtake you and hold you close, to give you the assurance that all is well and you will finish this race you have set your heart toward. He will complete the good work He started in us all. He began it on the cross and He is finishing it as we battle from our winter to our spring.

I am thinking of you all and how my heart has been changed because of knowing you. Thank you for your love and care toward me through the years. You have believed in me and that has helped me to believe. You are faithful friends always and I love you so.

I pray your Easter season has been and will be blessed and you have a renewed faith and hope in Christ Jesus our Lord.

~Emma

I have a Hoover Upright Vaccum Cleaner. It is about 4 years old. For awhile now everytime I vacuumed it would put off an aweful stinch, and I could not figure out what it was. I hated vacuuming because it would make my house stink.

My sister had the same problem and would put Baking Soda in the filter to absorb bad odors. That would work, but then the next time you vacuumed it would still stink. So I have tinkered with this trying to make it stop, or I was going to have to buy a new vacuum when this one works perfectly well.

So here is what I did:

I took the filter out (which is just a little piece of foam material.) and vacuumed it off with a dust buster. It took a lot of dirt out of it. Then I replaced the vacuum cleaner bag with one that is an odor eliminator bag. Finally I did put a little baking soda in the filter. It worked! I have vacuumed several times and it is still fresh. You can also actually wash the little filter with some soap and water, but let it dry completely before you put it back in the vacuum.

…None of us is perfectly qualified. We get it wrong nearly every time we open our mouths. If you could find someone whose speech was perfectly true, you’d have a perfect person, in perfect control of life.
A bit in the mouth of a horse controls the whole horse. A small rudder on a huge ship in the hands of a skilled captain sets a course in the face of the strongest winds. A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything—or destroy it!
It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire. A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell. James 3:1-6TM

This time of year people are making all kinds of resolutions. Habits to create, and habits to break. I want to exercise more, I want to stop smoking, I want to eat healthier, I want to make more money, or be better with money… There are so many things people want to do this year.

I have made 2 resolutions which probably encompass almost everything that is wrong with me.Ha ha. Sounds arrogant huh? Well my Resolution is to guard what goes on my tongue, and guard what goes what comes off my tongue. If I could do that, self control would be in my grasp. At least that is what James said.

I have given up sweets, at least for a period of time, and through this process God has been showing me how much I mindlessly put things in my mouth without even thinking. At a Subway I ordered 3 cookies and then had to tell them to put them back because (Duh!) I am not eating sugar. But what He showed me was how many times I have just eaten the cookies because they were there, and not even thought about what I was putting into my body. I actually even picked up something sweet, popped it in my mouth, and then spit it in the trash can. Again, mindlessly. No wonder my weight is an issue in my life. I do not even realize how many times my habits (and taste buds) ruin me. (Cause let’s face it without the tongue and the taste buds we would not be overweight.)

The same is true about what rolls off our tongues. In thinking about whether I want another child or not I am worried about how much weight I will gain, because I gained quite a bit with both of my girls and have not been able to get it off yet. (And my baby is almost 4!) But my sister pointed out, do you realize how many times you say “If I have another baby I will be 300 pounds”? No, I didn’t. Do we realize how many times we discuss the economy and say “Oh it is going to get worse before it gets better”, or ” I can’t lose weight no matter how much I try. I just have a bad metabolism” or “I can not manage my money, no matter what. I am just not disciplined”. I know I have mindlessly said each of those statements without thinking about them until they were pointed out to me.

James says we do not even realize that a word out of our mouth can accomplish anything. ANYTHING! So what are we accomplishing with our words, success, peace, hope, blessing, love, forgiveness? Or failure, chaos, fear, cursing, bitterness?

James is clear to say later, it is your actions not your words, it is your heart that matters. But Jesus says in Luke 6:45 “The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.”

My challenge to you is let Holy-Spirit make you aware today, or this week about what comes off your tongue that is ultimately bringing destruction to your efforts. This will ultimately help you a) change your speech and b) realize a thinking pattern or belief you need to change. Because ultimately it is the heart that directs the words, but the words will tell you what the root is, and then you know how to really pray!

Today I would like to share an excerpt from Lisa Welchel’s book “Creative Correction”.
This piece really struck something in me, I hope it does with you as well.

Evaluating Our Priorities:
“When it comes to having misplaced priorities, I’m definitely guilty! Much of the time, my goal in parenting is simply to have well behaved children - not for some higher, godly purpose, but for my own peace and quiet. My life is so much simpler and more enjoyable when the kiddos obey me without arguing and when they get along with each other. As a result, I’m quick to correct them, sometimes in anger, when my comfort is disturbed, without considering how I’m modeling God to them.

What hidden motives do you sometimes have? Do you ever struggle with pride? I do. It’s easy to want other people to admire our little ones and, in effect, praise our parenting skills. When our kids are on their best behavior, it makes us, their parents, look good. And when someone notices, it can feel as though all our hard work is finally paying off.

For some people, being prideful isn’t their main stumbling block. But is guilt? Some of us base our parenting priorities on how guilty we feel. We have this false, often unrealistic ideal of how our children should behave; and when they don’t cooperate, we blame ourselves, thinking we’re doing something wrong. All of these motivations, my desire for peace and quiet , pride, and guilt are understandable. But they are still wrong. If we parent with the wrong motives, we will ultimately crumble when the “growing” gets tough. So it’s vital that we step away from the pandemonium of parenting from time to time and remind ourselves of the true goal. To have kids who are drawing an accurate picture of God in their hearts and learning how to relate to Him as their Creator each day.

Modeling God to our kids is a tall order. In fact, I would be the first to admit that my representation of God is imperfect. But that’s the nature of a reflection. It’s backward in a mirror, upside down in a spoon, blurry in a window, and always one-dimensional. Though we should strive to be godly, we can never perfectly reflect God. Instead, our goal should be to ensure that our reflection of God draws our children closer to Him and that it makes them long to touch the real thing.

(Lisa Whelchel is a national speaker, and has written many books to and for mothers. She is best known for her role on “The Facts Of Life” as Blair.)

I just had to share this with you when I heard it. I took my girls to the Crayola Factory in Easton, Pennsylvania this week. If you have not been there, and get an opportunity, it is fantastic. The kids loved it, they got to do all kinds of crafts and artwork, and they also watched from hot melted wax to the box how crayons and markers are made. It was only $10 per person to get in, and you receive tokens to claim crayons, markers, modeling clay, etc. with them. All of the crafts and such are included in the admission, of course.

During the process of watching how the markers are made the speaker gave us a really great tip about those markers that have been left without caps and dried out. “Don’t throw them away just yet”, he said. All you need to do is wet the tip with warm or hot water, replace the cap, and wait 24 hours. When the marker dries out the ink does not. So by wetting it and allowing the moisture to wick back into the marker the ink will return! That was worth the trip, and I had to pass it along.

Gabriel greeted her:Good morning! You’re beautiful with God’s beauty, Beautiful inside and out! God be with you. She was thoroughly shaken, wondering what was behind a greeting like that. But the angel assured her, “Mary, you have nothing to fear. God has a surprise for you: You will become pregnant and give birth to a son and call his name Jesus. He will be great, be called ‘Son of the Highest. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David;
He will rule Jacob’s house forever— no end, ever, to his kingdom.” Mary said to the angel, “But how? I’ve never slept with a man.”The angel answered, The Holy Spirit will come upon you, the power of the Highest hover over you; Therefore, the child you bring to birth will be called Holy, Son of God. “And did you know that your cousin Elizabeth conceived a son, old as she is? Everyone called her barren, and here she is six months pregnant! Nothing, you see, is impossible with God.“And Mary said, “Yes, I see it all now: I’m the Lord’s maid, ready to serve. Let it be with me just as you say. Then the angel left her.” Luke 1:26-38TM

Two days away from celebrating the greatest miracle and gift to mankind. Mary could not have known t, though she knew it was big, the fullness of what role she would hold in history when she agreed to God’s will. When this stranger, Gabriel, visited her small Jewish home.

Like many of us, it wasn’t that Mary was not willing to do whatever God asked of her but her human mind tried so hard to wrap her brain around HOW God would accomplish His will. HOW could God use this little girl to perform the greatest miracle in history.

Mary’s response to this word from God was “But How? When I have never slept with a man”, Gabriel’s answer was simple, “Nothing, you see, is impossible with God!” Luke 1:34

When God has given you the vision and shown you your destiny you may say “But how I’ve never…”. You may “have never”, but “Nothing you see is impossible with God!”. Nothing you have done, or not done, can keep God’s purpose from being fulfilled as long as the servant is willing. God is not concerned with the education, the accolades, the people you know, your age, or the amount of money in your bank account. He is only looking for someone to say ” Yes, I see it all now: I’m… ready to serve. Let it be with me just as you say.

The “But How’s?” may be following you everyday this Christmas season. But How will God provide for my bills? But How can God ever restore what is broken? But How can I ever see hope again? But How will God bring this big vision I carry into reality? Nothing You See Is Impossible with God!

No matter what challenges face you, do not abort or miscarry what God has placed in your heart because of fear or doubt. Mary had to face shaming her family, financial insecurity (I mean her child was born in a barn!), being left at the altar, even possible death. But just as was the case with Mary, carried to full term God may use you to change the world!

Remember our history, friends, and be warned. All our ancestors were led by the providential Cloud and taken miraculously through the Sea. They went through the waters, in a baptism like ours, as Moses led them from enslaving death to salvation life. They all ate and drank identical food and drink, meals provided daily by God. They drank from the Rock, God’s fountain for them that stayed with them wherever they were. And the Rock was Christ. But just experiencing God’s wonder and grace didn’t seem to mean much—most of them were defeated by temptation during the hard times in the desert, and God was not pleased.The same thing could happen to us. We must be on guard so that we never get caught up in wanting our own way as they did…We must never try to get Christ to serve us instead of us serving him; they tried it, and God launched an epidemic of poisonous snakes. We must be careful not to stir up discontent; discontent destroyed them…
1 Corinthians 10:1-13

If you skipped the scripture to read the post, go back and read it. I’ll wait.

When you were growing up and you heard the story of the Israelites, did you, like me, think they were so stupid? I thought ” if I saw the Red Sea split, and a huge cloud following me, and the Egyptian army swallowed up, and had food literally falling from heaven every day, and my shoes never got too little in 40 years, and I saw water flow from a rock, not to mention all the things that happened in Egypt, I think I would have no problem believing in God to take care of me” … That is what I thought, when I was younger. Anyone else?

How many miracles have you had in your life? Ever have a near miss accident that you know should have killed you? Ever get a check in the mail the day you needed to pay a bill? Ever come home after a tornado to find your home in tact when others around you lost nearly everything? Ever have a car last waaaaay beyond it’s expected lifespan? Ever had a healthy child? Ever had a good marriage? Ever buy Christmas for your kids when at the beginning of the month you had no idea how you were going to do it?

I have. And yet I still wonder some days if God is going to come through. Worse yet, I still have my moments of wanting to grumble and complain about my struggles and what God is making me go through. Oh yes, even I who have so many miracle stories. Seems silly doesn’t it? After all, I have been saying for weeks now about all the good things God has done in my life.

My Bishop says “God will offend the mind to reveal the heart.” There are many times I think to myself “O.k. I am getting this lesson God is trying to teach me. I believe God will take care of me. I will be content in every circumstance. I will not have doubt. I will believe He is who He is no matter what my circumstances”. Then the fire gets turned up, and I find myself balling my eyes out and questioning God again. I find myself beginning to relate more and more to those silly Israelites, and repenting seems to be my daily dose. And then I know, I am not done with this process. The process we all want to get out of as fast as possible. (1 Peter 4: 12-13) Like a band-aid, “just rip it off, Lord!”. But no, He is much wiser than that. This is not a band-aid, it is a layered onion.

I am reminded of James “Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.”
(James 1: 2-4)

The Israelites had everything handed to them. They did not have to hunt or harvest their food, it was brought to them every morning. They did not have to search for water; they just struck a rock. They did not have to buy or make new shoes. They had air conditioning in the day, and fire by night. Yet, they grumbled and doubted God would take them to their destination. How silly, right?

These are all warning markers—danger!—in our history books, written down so that we don’t repeat their mistakes. Our positions in the story are parallel—they at the beginning, we at the end—and we are just as capable of messing it up as they were. Don’t be so naive and self-confident. You’re not exempt. You could fall flat on your face as easily as anyone else. Forget about self-confidence; it’s useless. Cultivate God-confidence. No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; he’ll always be there to help you come through it. 1 Corinthians 10: 11-13

Don’t forget:
Friends, when life gets really difficult, don’t jump to the conclusion that God isn’t on the job. Instead, be glad that you are in the very thick of what Christ experienced. This is a spiritual refining process, with glory just around the corner…God’s strong hand is on you; he’ll promote you at the right time. Live carefree before God; he is most careful with you. You’re not the only ones plunged into these hard times. It’s the same with Christians all over the world. So keep a firm grip on the faith. The suffering won’t last forever. It won’t be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ—eternal and glorious plans they are!—will have you put together and on your feet for good. He gets the last word; yes, he does. 1Peter 4:12-13; 5:7-11